Hair Tonic No Brock
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: In a desperate attempt to get a girl, Brock attempts to mess with the forces of nature. His plan backfires, however. Oneshot. Rated T for language.


Hair Tonic No. Brock

_Sooo, this is a lot different from what I've been writing. Ah, MangaShipping, a shipping that doesn't really apply outside of this one manga in Pokemon. (Can't remember the name of it, sorry. D:) I've always thought that Sabrina deserved more screen time, like Roark seems to have. I mean, she _does _have the ability to turn people into dolls at will. Who _wouldn't_ think that power was awesome ? ^.^_

_Okay, time to stop my rambling. Maybe it's a bit OOC, but I don't care. I think it's readable, and that's what I care about the most. XD_

* * *

" Yeah, Dad, I'm in Pewte- no, I'm afraid not- well, I'm not coming home because I don't- yeah, still. I'm trying to- well, that's not reasonable, Dad. That's public indecency....okay. Send Mom and the others my love...bye. "

-click!-

Brock sighed. His mother would be upset with him for not coming home once again. It wasn't like he _didn't _want to come home. He just didn't want to come home without a girl. For the past twenty-five years, Brock Harrison had been mostly unemployed, unfulfilled, and single. Being unemployed and unfulfilled never seemed to bother the young man, since he could always mooch off of his friend, Ash Ketchum's employment and fulfillment, but being single struck a hole in his heart. A few years ago he traveled across different regions, but not even that eased Brock's desire for a woman. Life sucked back then, and unfortunately for Brock, life _still_ sucked.

He sunk into the small cot that was provided for him by the motel. It smelled like sweat and fabric softener, similar to Brock's life. This was the life that he was now living, a mere traveler with squinty eyes that moved from motel room to motel room. Five years ago Brock would've never imagined living this lifestyle, and yet now he was living it. The thought was depressing, but there was one option that Brock could do. A miniscule hope, a chance that was even slimmer than Ash successfully cooking something edible. Being the extremely desperate person he was, however, Brock would take that chance.

Two years ago Silph Co. had released a love potion recipe out to the market, only to have them pulled off the shelves thirty minutes later. The details were sketchy, the results were theoretically unstable, and it was hinted that some of the ingredients could cause numerous side effects. Nevertheless, Brock was the only one to get his hands on the piece of paper that held the recipe's knowledge. And he was also the only one to actually go through the tedious task of collecting all of the ingredients. They were sitting in a basket, just madly shouting to be used. It seemed to be a good sign for Brock, especially since he rarely _had _any good signs. Maybe it would finally be the day that he would get a girl.

So, late into the night, probably near midnight, Brock huddled into the corner of the room and started to place all of the ingredients into a small flask. The concotion bubbled and fizzed in a malevolent way, like it was trying to tell him to not even try it, but no warning would stop the desperate young man from drinking the experimental love potion. It _seemed_ to work, and it _seemed_ that an odd feeling was bubbling up in the pit of Brock's stomach like a pack of Butterfree.....

....But instead hair popped out from most parts of the body, and almost completely covered Brock from head to toe with long, brown hair, save for his eyes and feet. It didn't make matters any better when he looked at himself in the mirror to see if he had grown any sexier. Screams followed, and failure once again dominated Brock's life.

* * *

" Holy crap, Brock, I didn't know your secret identity was Bigfoot ! "

Brock glared as best as he could at his black-haired friend and hugged the raincoat that he was wearing closer to him. He was visiting the apartment that Ash and Gary shared in Pallet Town. At twenty, Ash Ketchum was still living the way of a reckless pokemon trainer, still obsessed over food and his Pikachu, and still the naive person he was ten years ago when he started out as a trainer. Patience was not with the hairy young man, however. " I've told you a thousand times, Ash. I do _not_ have a secret identity ! "

Ash groaned, clearly disappointed as he ran a hand through his hat hair. Gary, who stood out of the conversation for the last twenty minutes, placed his bag of potato chips on the stool beside him. " Dude, you really screwed up this time. I never thought you'd be _that _desperate. "

" I know. How was I supposed to know that the recipe was actually for a hair tonic ? "

" Because it was recalled ? "

" Uhh, oops. "

" And if you really _are_ that desperate, why don't you just go to one of those red-light areas and pay somebody ? I always _did _imagine that you'd be the first one of us to get arrested. " Gary put a finger to his lips before shaking his head. " Well, actually I imagined that _Paul _would be the first of us to get arrested, but he doesn't count because he's Paul and he probably likes being an lemon-faced criminal. "

" Been there, done that. " Brock's lips quivered under his hairs. " Apparently, not even those kinds of girls will do someone with squinty eyes, especially Undercover Officer Jenny. Oh, I didn't tell you two about Undercover Officer Jenny. She has this really shaggy blonde wig, and her hat is two inches shorter than the Pewter City Officer Jenny's. Anyway, she locked me up for two days without food. That was a horrible birthday weekend. " He paused for a few seconds to smack the snickering Ash in the head before frowning. " Besides, I don't think I could get a girl looking like Bigfoot. They'd run away. "

" Didn't girls run away _before_ you looked like Bigfoot ? "

_SMACK !_

" Shut _up,_ Ash, " Brock growled.

" But it's true...."

" _Shut up, Ash._ "

Gary grabbed the potato chip bag and handed it over to Ash, who accepted it with glee. He turned back to Brock and tapped his fingers on the stool's surface. " Look, Brock, you have two problems to deal with right now, and I don't think either one of them could be solved here in Pallet. You have an emotional problem, and you look like freaking Chewbacca. The obvious problem is how to get back to normal, and most people living here would probably freak out and shoot you. "

Brock gasped. " Even Delia ? "

" .....Dude, stop hitting on Ash's mom. She doesn't want you, and everybody except for you seems to know that. And yeah, she'd probably shoot you, but not because you look like an urban legend. " The auburn-haired boy sighed. " And then there is the dilemma of being without a girl. This one could be solved by doing self-esteem activities, but in your case, I'd think it would only screw up your head even further. "

" So, I should continue to do what I've been doing ? "

" No, you blockhead, that's exactly what you _shouldn't_ do ! " Gary snapped. " That's why you can't get a girlfriend ! "

" Right, right. Sorry. "

" Okay. I think there might be one person that could help you. You'll have to keep your head together, though. She doesn't like pervert talk. " Gary took out a small scrap of paper and scribbled an address on it before handing it to Brock. " That's in Saffron, Chewy. Knowing your efforts to chase after a different woman every five seconds, you might actually know her. She's a gym leader. Sabrina. "

Ash mumbled something positive with his mouth filled with chewed-up potato chips. Gary shrugged. " Well, he says that you _do _know her. Congratulations, Brock-o. She already knows you're a jackass. "

" . . .Thanks, Gary. "

* * *

The young Chewbacca-like man sat sorrowfully in his seat as the bus halted to its stop, which was in one of Saffron's busy intersections. He hastily stepped out of the bus, his mind clouded with many thoughts, and his hairy palms sweating with anxiety.

Sabrina.

Brock shuddered. He remembered Sabrina all too well, possibly better than any other gym leader that he ever met (besides his father and Misty, of course). She was the one who turned him and Misty into dolls while Ash tried to get his badge so long ago. He also remembered being crammed into a dollhouse and almost being forced to kiss his side-ponytailed companion in a plushie state. In the end, though, Ash _did _gain his badge, he was turned back into a human without having to smooch Misty, and Sabrina managed to regain her heart through the help of a slight mental Haunter, but the squinty-eyed man never forgot the traumatic experience he had endured.

Hopefully Sabrina still had a heart a decade later, he thought to himself as he slowly walked up to the house that the gym leader shared with her parents. He pressed the doorbell, and a middle-aged man with a bushy beard answered the door. " Yes ? " the man asked in a gruff tone of voice.

" Is Sabrina home ? " Brock squeaked.

" Yes. Upstairs, farthest room on the left. " The man opened the door and stepped aside to let Brock pass through the doorway, but not without silence. " You remind me of one of those fluffy dogs with all of that hair. And by the way, make sure you knock first. "

" Okay. "

He stepped past the gruff man and went up the stairs to the door of the farthest room on the left. In his mind, he expected nothing less than him being roughly thrown into the wall with a telekinetic attack. A couple of knocks were made, a soft, " Come in " was voiced, and in a few seconds Brock was in the domain of Sabrina.

She was sitting on a stool with her shiny, green hair placed perfectly in a bun when he came into her room. He winced as her dark blue eyes narrowed slightly at him, and her lips tugged into a businesslike frown. " Mr. Brock Harrison, we meet again, " she stated simply.

Brock looked puzzled. " You can recognize me ? "

Sabrina responded with a curt nod. " Your voice patterns are the same as they were ten years ago. Looking like a hairy beast does not change anything other than your appearance. I'm not a shallow person, nor am I a moron. You drank a hair tonic that you thought was a love potion, correct ? "

" Yes. " At this moment, Brock was being his shallowest as he eyed the woman's apparel. She was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Not the best combination for someone of Brock's taste, but if he would've told her that, she would probably throw him across the room. Still, she could still hear him through telepathy, so trying to hide his thoughts was futile.

" Mew's Deception, " Sabrina murmured breathlessly, ignoring any kind of shallow and/or sexist thoughts from Brock. " Did you know that Silph Co. gets their brilliant and _genuine_ ideas by ransacking the pokemon environment for their creations and getting rid of anything that stands in their path ? " She chuckled softly, almost bitterly. " Such brutality, but let's move on with the story. A Mew who knew that his surroundings were going to be destroyed by man decided to fool his enemy. That Mew's trick is the product that made you look like this. And if you try to cut those hairs, you'll only end up hairier. That's just pure logic, and you suffer from plain ignorance. "

" So, what should I do ? " Brock inquired.

" Road trip. "

" Um, did you just say road trip ? "

" Yes, that's exactly what I said. " Sabrina stood up from her stool and undid her bun, releasing wavy green hair down to her waist. She walked over to the door and quickly grabbed Brock's hand. " Come along, Brock. I have a Mustang. You'll enjoy yourself. "

" Bu-But- "

" Would you prefer going on a road trip with my Haunter ? The last time he drove, we almost crashed into the neighbor's kitchen. "

The young man hung his head low. " No, ma'am. "

Ten minutes later Brock was in a Mustang viewing the countryside with Sabrina at the wheel. She was fully enjoying herself and laughing gaily as the wind blew into her eyes. And as much as Brock didn't want to, he was also smiling at the wonderful view that the Saffron-Celadon border had to offer them. He never noticed her arm sliding professionally across his back, nor the confused glances that she gave him so solemnly. The young man _did_ notice her when she started to speak, however. " Brock, do you know why you can't get a girlfriend ? "

Brock shrugged. " Because I'm a perverted jackass ? "

Sabrina laughed softly. " How cute. You better watch yourself, my furry. I could easily put a leash around you and make you my little doggy, " she said smugly and teasingly at the same time, " but no, that's only partially right. " Her face grew serious. " No, the reason why you can't get a girlfriend is because you're not honest with yourself. You're not sure _what_ you want in a woman, other than the appearance, which is cute with a side order of rated R swimsuit. It's quite comical, actually. "

" I do not want that ! " The young man's cheeks grew a shade redder under his hairs. " Not everybody wants that, especially a man like me ! "

" Correction - _especially _a man like you would want that ! "

She started to laugh again as giant, pink bubbles came out from under them and started to make the car rise and float. Brock whimpered. " Sabrina, what are you doing ? Why is the car floating ? "

" Good Giratina, Brock, don't be such a chewy baby ! This is only the result of my joyous emotions. It won't hurt you. "

" Really- _**BAWWWWW ! "**_ Brock fell forward in his seat as the bubbles disappeared and the car fell into a ditch, trapping him and Sabrina in the car.

* * *

Brock buried his head in his hands. He knew he should've just lived the rest of his life as an outcast deep in a cave, but instead he had tried to fix the impossible. Maybe it wasn't too late for him to go with his first option. Nobody would seem to care if he was in the general public or not, that was for sure. All he would need to ensure his survival was a bag of rock candy.

" Rock candy's not very good for you, and neither is living in a cave. Mold and beastly Machoke. You'd get pummeled....or be forced to be a Machoke's bride. "

" DAH ! Don't read my mind ! " Brock's head whipped around at Sabrina, who stared at him closely with her dark blue eyes. Now that he thought about it, she had been doing that all day. And now that he thought about it, even though she was a powerful psychic, Sabrina was also annoying. Reading minds and dripping with sarcasm. That could really get to a guy, especially Brock. He cleared his throat in bewilderment, desperately trying to find a way of escape, but finding none. The car was upside-down, and he was tangled in his seat belt and raincoat....thank God for seat belts. He was trapped with a slightly psycho psychic. " How are we supposed to get out of here ? "

" I'll stop reading your mind if you stop calling me a psycho. " The stare turned into a glower, which she held with a calm manner for a short period of time. Then, she smiled briefly, showing a perky set of pearly-white teeth before grimacing once more. " See ? How simple it is to stop. Now, my senses are telling me to play the game of Twenty Questions. It's not so complicated, even for you - " At this, she grinned almost menacingly as the young man sweatdropped. " -and it's better than turning random people into dolls in my spare time. "

" Y-You c-can still d-do that ?! "

There was no reply. Instead, Sabrina started the tedious task of bombarding Brock with questions. She started out by asking him the simple questions - his name, age, confirmation that he was, in fact, a male, and not some giant woman that was on steroids. Then the questions grew more difficult, and Brock found it longer and harder to answer the questions. He felt himself growing more honest with each passing minute despite the horrendous boredom, and it felt like a lifetime to him.

And then he fell forward in his seat again from exhaustion. Sabrina unflipped the car with one gentle shove of the hand, setting the Mustang upright on its wheels. She unbuckled her seat belt as Brock quietly sat in confusion and slight shock, and quietly cradled his face in his hands. " I think, " she started softly, " that your face might feel a little better if it had some rubble around it. Your face is smoother than a rock...Brock. "

Brock furrowed his eyebrows. " I don't understan- "

He paused for a moment to see that he was no longer hairy, but could not say one word of happiness as his lips were met by the cold, firm ones of the neutral-minded psychic. There was nothing that he could say or do that was any better, but for the first time, Brock Harrison felt lucky. Manly. Maybe even charming.

But certainly never hairy.

* * *

(Two days later....)

Brock waited on a bench next to Ash and Gary. The auburn-haired boy kept his silence as usual, while the black-haired boy babbled almost complete nonsense. " So, you actually got a date ? A _date_, date ? "

The eldest boy sighed as the faithful Mustang pulled up along the side of the sidewalk. " Yes, Ash, a _date_, date, " he muttered over his shoulder as he stepped into the car.

Sabrina was in the driver's seat, giggling, probably at Ash's stupidity. Her dark blue eyes were relaxed for once, and so was her entire expression. Brock smacked his forehead as the car started to go forward. " Okay, Sabby, today we are going swimsuit shopping, " he declared, thinking of skimpy bikinis and sexy poses.

The woman gave Brock a blank stare. " 'Sabby' ? Since when did I tell you that you could give me a nickname ? "

" Well, you call me 'Brock-o', so I think it's fair. "

" Of course. But even it _is _a bit catchy, you're not seeing me in anything more than a PG-13 swimsuit. No rated R's for you, Brock-o, _honey._ "

The dripping sarcasm was fresh, and all Brock could do was to stomp on the small rug under his feet. " Dammit. "

She giggled again, and Brock silently thanking the Mew who made him into a hairy beast only two days ago.

Still....it was a good thing that the effects weren't irreversible.

End


End file.
